Pushing the Sky
by labellily
Summary: A chaotic tale of explosions, crossdressers, and assorted plots to rule the universe. It's a coming of age story like no other.
1. piano bar

Pushing the Sky

!

{piano bar}

"It's never too late to learn to play the piano," Usagi's mother declared for the tenth time.

The blonde in the seat beside her said nothing, but sunk further into the crumb-littered seat.  Piano.  A shiver shuddered through her petite form and she clenched her hands in her pleated skirt and stared sulkily out the window.  To Usagi Tsukino, piano represented a higher class world that she wanted nothing to do with.  Well, that wasn't quite the truth.  She very much wanted everything to do with it, but she had neither the connections nor the education required.  And that was perfectly fine with her.  She would continue being a superhero, grow up, marry Mamoru, have Chibiusa, become Queen, and live happily ever after.  It was really quite simple, and Usagi was plenty content to let things go on the way they were.

Ikuko on the other hand had much different ideas, as Usagi had inadvertently discovered.  She had walked in on her mother consulting her meddling granpa on who would suit Usagi best for an arranged marriage.  When Ikuko had seen her blonde daughter standing in the doorway in slack-jawed horror, she had leapt to her feet and asked whether she wanted an older man so he would die sooner and leave her a rich widow, or whether she wanted a young, handsome man that would cherish her for a while and then jet to Hawaii and let her mess around by herself.

Usagi had no response besides her best reaction to situations such as those.  She rolled her eyes back in her head and collapsed.

Apparently in her mother's world, fainting was equivalent to "yes of course" because here Usagi was, on her way to piano lessons.  Her mother had also mentioned tutoring in Nerima, and maybe even an English boarding school.  Not to disappoint her mother, but Usagi had no intentions of allowing herself to be carted away to an all girls' prison.  The very notion offended everything that Usagi identified as "good" in the world.

The blonde had entertained several ideas of possibly refusing to go, but then quickly discarded them as being suicidal and stupid.  So, unable to do anything but bow her head to her mother's plan, she allowed herself to be shepherded into their little car and driven to piano lessons, or even her doom as it may be.

She sighed heavily and glared out the window.  Somehow she knew that it was Destiny's fault in some way or another.  It was always Destiny's fault.  A soft growl rumbled out of her, and her mother looked at her in surprise.

"Did you just say something?"

Usagi smiled innocently.  "Nah, my stomach was just growling," she said with a laugh.

Her mother smiled back, and Usagi barely repressed a sigh of relief.  Only God knew what her mother would do if she really found out that Usagi was completely and totally against the idea of piano lessons and everything it represented.  Something of her thoughts must have showed in her face,  because her mother heaved a little sigh.

"Listen Usa.  I don't know what it is, exactly, that's going on in your life.  I know there's a hell lot more than you're telling us.  Don't think I'm oblivious either, honey.  I stay up late at night sometimes, and I hear you talking, and a female responding.  I hear your window slide open.  I have my theories, but I'll keep them to myself.  But Usagi, it seems to me like whatever is going on is dragging you down.  My theory as a child was……  Well, my mother always told me to shove the goddamn sky away; it was in my way.  I hope," she began, and then stopped dead when they reached the parking lot.

Curious at her mother's abrupt halt, the blonde glanced up to see her mother wearing the most undignified expression she had ever seen.  Her eyes were bugged out, her jaw was hanging open in mid-sentence, and her face had gone a rather peculiar shade of pasty gray.

"Er…. Mom?"

Usagi got no reply.  Well, this was new.  It seemed like piano lessons brought many new things.  Even more curious now, Usagi leaned forward in order to see what had made her mother react in such a way.  All she saw was a man in glasses, two girls in Chinese dresses, a rather cute boy, a few more girls, a group of parents, and a few more kids.

Usagi assumed that it was the man in glasses that was making her mom have a fit, because he had the exact same expression on his face.  It did, however, look much more terrible on the man's face than her mother's.  Ikuko suddenly drew a shaky breath, making Usagi start in surprise.

"Well, come on Usa," she said tremblingly.

Ikuko pushed open the car door and stepped daintily out.  Usagi thought for a second that everything was normal again, until the man came up to her with a rather large smile on his face.

"Hello, beautiful daughter of Ikuko!  What's your name?"

Unnerved by this beaming man and his large white teeth, she edged around him and escaped to her mother's side.  Ikuko stared at him, and then cleared her throat.

"Long time no see, Genma," she said quietly.

The man beamed.  "Indeed!  Who is this daughter of yours?  And who is the lucky man?"

"For her or for me?" Ikuko asked wryly.

"Both," the man replied instantly.

Usagi felt a queer jolt in the pit of her stomach.  This generally meant that something large and important was going to happen to her.  The last time she had felt this everyone died and she became Cosmos completely by accident, although she was sure it was really some kind of giant cosmic plan to ruin her life—

The tension behind the adults' spoken words was practically visible.  Ikuko knew this man—but how?  A weak laugh came from her mother's direction.

"Come on now Genma, you know I swore not to sell my daughter like you were planning on doing.  I married Kenji Tsukino.  This is my daughter, Usagi.  Usagi, this is Genma Saotome, an old friend of mine.  Who are your friends?" she asked stiffly.

Usagi narrowed her eyes slightly.  If her instincts were correct, Genma was more than just an old friend.  Up close however, the small blonde really couldn't imagine why her mother would ever take up with such a…. round person.

She looked up in time to see the man adjust his glasses and draw himself up with dignity.  "This is my, uh, daughter, Ranma.  This is her friend, Shampoo.  So, Miss Usagi, when's your birthday?"

The addressed blonde eyed him with distaste.  She recognized that tone of voice.  "I'll be turning sixteen in June, sir," she said sweetly.

His eyebrows shot up, and he laughed.  "My God!  Looking at you I thought you were at least twelve," he said, chuckling to himself.

Usagi's eyes narrowed dangerously.  An idea began worming its' vile way into her mind.  Her brain was very cautiously approaching it when she felt a draft on the back of her neck.  Reacting purely by her experience as a Senshi, she jerked sideways and spun around.

She was met with large, dark blue eyes, widened by surprise.  "You moved!" the girl exclaimed.

Usagi studied the girl for a second.  Red hair, little braid.  Small, pretty face.  Very shapely.  She felt her eyebrows drawing together in a frown, and made an effort to smooth them back out into a mask of pleasantness.

"Well, yeah.  What were you doing back there?" she demanded.

The girl—Ranma, Usagi suddenly remembered—scratched the back of her head sheepishly.  "Well, I didn't think you looked like a fighter, so I wanted to see why you were here.  Turns out you do have some fighter instincts, as weak as you look!"

Upon declaring this, the redhead burst out laughing.  The girl's companion shot a dark look at the laughing girl and stepped up to Usagi, whose cheeks were growing very red.  The other girl grabbed Usagi's arm.

"Forgive Ranma, she's no good with people.  Always says the wrong thing, you know?  She doesn't know better.  Ranma's kind of like a man, you know?" the girl explained to Usagi, loud enough for Ranma to hear and become very quiet.

"Hey now Shampoo, you aren't still mad at me?" Ranma whined.

Shampoo gave Ranma a sour look.  "Damn straight I'm still angry," she confirmed.

By now Usagi was seriously considering flinging herself at her mother's feet and begging to be taken away from the lunatics.  Growing more panicky as Ranma's whines escalated and Shampoo's indignant, badly-said phrases grew louder to match Ranma's, Usagi's body hummed with tension.  It did not help any when a girl with short, thin blonde hair walked into the room, arguing loudly with a larger boy over whether a certain math problem was correct or not.  Following these two was a tidal wave of teens carrying instruments, adults waving books around wildly, and a horde of small children.  Once this had passed safely into the building, Usagi turned around and was pleased to see that Ranma had been utterly trampled by the crowd.  Shampoo was crouched beside him, sitting back on her heels. Her head was cocked to the side, and she was looking at the other girl with a sweet smile on her face.

The hair on the back of her neck rose again, freezing her in the middle of heaving a relieved sigh.  This time whatever was behind her was advancing at a high speed and—

The blonde shrieked and threw herself to the ground, just missing the object that sailed over her head.  There was a muffled squawk, and Usagi knew that Ranma had caught it right where she deserved it.

The redhead yanked the thing out of her mouth and threw it on the ground.  "Why the hell did you duck, blondie?  I would have caught it before letting it hit anyone else!" she shouted angrily.

Usagi paused in her mental workings and observed what was happening.  Her nerves were shot.  She had to learn piano.  An annoyingly busty redhead was screeching at her.  She had almost gotten trampled.  She was in no mood to be nice.

"You got it where you deserved it," she said sweetly, smiling warmly at her.

"Why you--!" she began, but never got finish because a man slammed a thick-looking book down over her head.

"NEVER DROP THE SACRED PAGES!" he roared in the already pained Ranma's ear.

Ranma shook her head like a dog and then bared her teeth at the man.  "Listen up, old man!  Don't go around slamming people over the freaking head when they didn't do anything!  YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT!"

Usagi had backed away to what she considered safety, which was behind Shampoo.  From this position, she could observe this newcomer.  He was a giant of a man, but was all legs and arms.  He looked to be in his early forties maybe, and had wiry gray hair poking haphazardly out from under his white, old fashioned wig.  He wore a ratty old suit, and large black dress shoes.  Under his arm were two books similar to the one that he had thrown at her.

The man swooped down and grabbed the third book off the ground.  He dusted it off carefully and then hit Ranma with it.  "NEVER DROP THE SACRED PAGES!  THAT IS YOUR FIRST LESSON," he boomed.  "TREAT THESE PAGES AS IF THEY WERE THE CURE TO THE CURSED SPRINGS OR THE SILVER CRYSTAL!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Usagi felt like maybe someone had punched her in the stomach.  Ranma and Shampoo both wore the same expression that the blonde was sure that she herself displayed.

"How--?" she gasped.

Ranma, apparently undamaged by the previous attacks to her head, slid into a fighting stance.  "Okay, that's it!  Who the hell ARE you, old man?  And how do you know about--?  And what's a silver crystal?"

The man gave him a contemptuous look.  "Listen up, boy," he said with a sneer, "you two keep your secrets, and she'll keep hers.  I'm sure as hell not going to tell any of you three one goddamn thing about the other.  As for who I am, my name is Amadeus Hashenshwelsher.  Blonde!  Wipe that look off your face!  Turn, and march your blonde head the hell inside!  Shampoo, Ranma!  Quit flirting and follow the blonde!  BLONDE!  I SAID TO MOVE!" he roared.

Usagi, feeling very much like she was in the middle of one of those boot camps, sprinted inside, shortly followed by the two other girls and their instructor.  Amadeus locked the door behind him, pocketed the key, and then smiled cordially at them.

"Let's begin by giving each other our names.  Our real ones," he added, with a pointed look at the traumatized blonde, "and other general information.  You can start, little girl," he said with a gesture at Ranma.

The irate girl opened her mouth to say something offensive, no doubt, but was kneed sharply by a still smiling Shampoo.  Ranma shot a look like a wounded puppy at the girl, and then folded her arms.

"The name's Ranma Saotome.  I'm the heir to Saotome's School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.  I've defeated more bad guys than I can count, and saved sooooo many people—"

"She's fifteen and has a big mouth.  Ranma's here to beat another enemy," Shampoo interrupted.  "I'm Shampoo of the Amazons.  I'm here because I was asked by grandmother.  Ranma's no good at doing things," she explained long-sufferingly, eyes cast to her feet.

"What?" Ranma demanded, leaping to her feet.

"SILENCE!" Amadeus roared, slamming his hand down on the piano.

The moment the notes reached Usagi's ears, it felt like her mind was being shaken into small bits.  She clapped her hands over her ears, and focused completely on keeping her mind from exploding.  After a few seconds the pain was gone, like it had never even been there.  Usagi cautiously brought her hands down and looked up to see Ranma and Shampoo recovering from what Usagi thought was probably the same pain.

"What the heck did you do?" Usagi whispered almost nervously.

He shrugged.  "Discord.  When played in the style of martial arts pianoforte, a discord brings on momentary pain.  It is a simple attack, but I suspect it will take you a while to learn even that.  Usagi, you may go."

She blinked her large blue eyes.  "Uhm, my name is Serenity Usagi Tsukino, and I'm fifteen.  I—" she faltered, and then sighed.  She couldn't tell them any of her accomplishments.  "I—" she began, but then was jerked to a halt.

Amadeus looked up lazily.  "Oh, I forgot to mention that you may not tell a lie while in this room.  I've spelled it.  Try again, Usagi.  A useful skill for being successful is twisting the truth.  Try it, now."

What kind of class was this?  She was being encouraged to twist the truth?  What a weird guy, she thought, giving him a strange look.  "Okay.  Here goes nothing.  I've done some volunteer work that has really directed my life," she said delicately.  "I clean up trash on the streets and make sure that everything is going well as it can.  I'm here because, well, my mom wants me to marry well, and her idea is that this is a good start."

Shampoo blinked, and then smiled.  "Volunteer work's good, right?  I do that sometimes, but not often because Ranma is too lazy to do anything," she snorted, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"Hey now--!" Ranma began indignantly, but was silenced by a glare from the teacher.

Once he was sure that he had everyone's attention, he smiled benevolently.  "Alright.  This may sound like a random question, but what kind of novels do you like?"

"I guess when I read, I like to read action stuff," Ranma muttered.

"Mysteries," Shampoo announced instantly.

Eyes turned to Usagi, and she felt like shrinking.  No one had ever cared what she read.  What kinds of stories did she like to hear about?  The blonde sat still for a second, thinking, and then smiled.

"I like love stories," she said softly.

"Bah!" Ranma shouted instantly.  "Love my foot!  Just like a wimpy girl to like _love stories_!"

This time Usagi didn't feel like jumping up and meeting her challenge.  So what if the girl didn't know?  "Ranma, love is the most wonderful, destructive thing that has ever been created," she said as quietly as before.

A memory of Diamond came to her mind, and her heart was stabbed by a pain of regret… and envy?  Such unconditional love.  She had looked down on it, then.  Feared it.  Didn't treat it as it should have been.  Love was what drove him to do all those terrible things to her daughter…..

Ranma narrowed her eyes at the other girl, and then looked away.  "Hmph.  Whatever.  I still think you can do anything if you know how to use your fists!"

Amadeus chuckled, surprising all of them.  "Well don't we have the motley crew!  Ranma, I predict you will major in attack compositions.  Attack compositions are pieces of music that can enhance a person's physical power, take power away, or even completely destroy a man.  Shampoo, "Intellectual Compositions" will be your piece of cake, so to speak.  Intellectual pieces again, enhance or destroy mental capabilities.  Usagi, you will most likely be best in Emotional Compositions.  They, as I'm sure you've guessed, alter the way a person feels.  Those are three of the six forms.   The six forms are Body, Mind, Heart, Soul, Creation, and Destruction.  Let me tell you right now," he said intently, leaning forward.

"You will never learn the last two forms unless absolutely necessary.  Form VI is, essentially, the forming of something new.  Form VII is the destruction of what was.  Do you understand?"

Usagi raised her hand timidly.  "Um.  You said that Ranma's form could destroy someone.  How is her form different from the last one?"

A gentle smile creased his face.  "My dear girl, forgive me.  Form I can destroy a person's life.  The final form destroys a soul, which is the greatest of all the sins.  Use either of the last forms, and you will be subject to the will of whatever Powers That Be."

"Then," Usagi ventured, trying to figure it all out, "what is "Soul"?"

He grinned.  "It's pretty much a useless form unless you're in battle.  Using this form you can generally tell how corrupt someone is.  Mind you, it does not tell how evil or how good one may be—only how corrupt.  If a man used the fourth form on me, he would see a man whose soul has long since crumbled away into a pile of soot, lodged somewhere in my ancient prison of a body.  But I am not evil.  The darkest powers can be used for good, kids.  Also, "Soul" is used to reach the gates of Heaven and Hell.  Of course, this is only possible if you achieve the highest sectional in that form."

"Wait," Ranma burst in.  "Sectionals?  What the hell 're you saying, old man?  That there are levels inside of those things?"

The man nodded his head.  "Yes.  Each form has a certain number of sectionals.  For Body, there are seven.  I'll not go into them now, because today I must be off.  None of you three can leave this room until the allotted time has zeroed, however."

Feigning a mournful expression, he folded his tall frame in an awkward bow.  "I bid you adieu, and hope you get to know each other without mishap."

Then before any of them could utter another syllable, he was bending through the door and slamming it behind him.  The slam echoed wildly around the silent room for several seconds, and then gave up.  Usagi tried not to shudder.  She absolutely hated being placed in situations like this.  They made her so uncomfortable.  She crossed her ankles, folded her hands in her lap, and bowed her head.  Wishing fervently that she could just fade away and become unnoticeable, she crossed her ankles opposite the previous way and gripped her skirt tightly.

She solemnly cast her eyes up to find (to her dismay) that her efforts were having the opposite of the desired effect.  Shampoo and Ranma were both looking at her in worry.  Her cheeks flamed, and she dropped her eyes.  Maybe her way wasn't the best way….

Shampoo cleared her throat.  "What, exactly, are you doing?"

Usagi's whole body seemed to sigh.  "I'm trying," she said long-sufferingly, "to become unnoticeable.  It's apparently not going very well for me," she added in an undertone.

"Haha!  Dumb girl.  Your hair is too big for you EVER to go unnoticed!" Ranma taunted.

Usagi's jaw dropped open in shock.  Was it even possible for someone to be that—yes, it was!  Mamoru had been that mean to her, and worse!  When the heck had she even begun liking him?  The answer came to her painfully fast: she had begun liking him when she had found out that their former incarnations had been lovers.  But he was a jerk in this life!  Like how she was a ditz!  People changed!  Was she letting her princess side influencing who she was?

Ranma and Shampoo watched curiously as Usagi's hands gripped the edges of her seat.  Her face went paper white, and her mouth hung open in slack-jawed amazement, and her eyes stared wide at the wall behind Ranma's head.  They both watched intently as her fingers uncurled, flexed, and then rested gently in her lap.  Her face was still white, but color was returning at a rather alarming pace.

"Of all the stupid, ridiculous things," she began as she pushed off of her chair, "this is the worst!" she declared, sticking a fist high into the air.  "I will suffer this injury no longer!  In the name of True Love, Justice even for people like me, and the Truth of what they've told me all along, I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!"

Noticing that the busty redhead was hiding behind Shampoo's chair looking completely unnerved, Usagi paused, lowered her fist, and then brushed off her skirt.

"I've just had a life-altering revelation.  Pardon me for the interruption," Usagi said absently, trying to work her new idea through the layers of mind-fuzz.

Shampoo stood instantly and waved her hand airily.  "Don't even worry about it.  I'm on the verge of having one myself, although I suspect my reaction to this epiphany will be more explosive than your own.  Ignore Ranma.  She has a tendency to be a little dramatic."

Ranma shot up indignantly, fists curled.  "I am not dramatic!  And what the hell is an epiphany?  And why are you having one?  And why the hell are girls so bouncy?"

Usagi and Shampoo gave the other girl a look of disdain.  Ranma stared at them uncomprehendingly, looked down, and then frowned.  "THAT'S NO EXCUSE!"

The two odangoed girls became very still.  Shampoo caught it a half second before the easily-offended blonde did.  "THAT'S NOT WHY WE'RE BOUNCY YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A WOMAN!"

Caught up in the heat of the moment, Ranma forgot where she was and shrieked back immediately.  "I'M NOT A GIRL!"

Usagi slapped her forehead.  "This is so sad.  We've got Usagi the Slow-Learning-Pushover, Shampoo-the-Explosive, and Ranma-the-One-With-an-Identity-Crisis.  What a group," she said sarcastically.  "Say, Shampoo, how do you guys know each other anyways?"

Shampoo shot a glare at Ranma, who was still scrambling for coherent sentences.  "She tried to kill me.  I chased her from China to Nerima, where I figured out her secret.  Now I tolerate this particular side of her."

Usagi snorted.  "I feel bad for you.  Truly, I do.  Having to put up with that on a regular basis—"

"SHUT UP YOU DUMB BLONDE!  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!   AND WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT HAVING TO PUT UP WITH SOMEONE!  I'LL BET COMPARED TO YOU, I'M EASY TO HANDLE!"

Usagi's cheeks flushed bright red.  She was a basket case at the current moment, and in her present state there was no way she was going to burst into tears.  The furious redhead suddenly became a gleaming target, and the compulsion to leap up in the air and attack the other girl was instantly so strong that her muscles were tensed for the action….

But then the door opened, and Ikuko stuck her head inside.  "Usagi dear?  Where are you?  Oh, hello girls.  Ranma, Shampoo, Tendo-san is outside waiting for you.  Come on, dears!"

Usagi gratefully slid out of the room, an amused Shampoo right behind her.  The brightness of the sunlight outside was almost blinding to her poor blue eyes.  As a result, Usagi stumbled haphazardly towards the general direction of her mother's car.

When she got home she was going to need a bath.  And aromatherapy.  And something for the massive headache she could feel coming on.

But despite that…. There was a new feeling inside of her.  A new drive.  A new dream.  As they drove home, Usagi gazed up at the blue sky.  She was smart enough.  She was pretty enough.  She had what it took to accomplish whatever she wanted.  And so…

"I'm going to rule the world," Usagi whispered to herself before focusing on her splitting headache.

And as far as she was concerned, that was that.


	2. flying teapot

Pushing the Sky

@

{flying teapot}

Shingo looked up curiously when Usagi threw herself onto the couch in their living room.  Suddenly remembering that his sister wasn't terribly interesting and that he was trying to play a video game, he turned back to the television screen right in time to see his character get his head bitten off by a zombie.

"Awwww MAN!  Usagi-baka, look what you made me do!" Shingo yelled, grabbing a fistful of his sisters long locks.

There was no response.

Shingo frowned and gave her hair an experimental yank.  Still, no reaction.  He pulled harder, and was considerably startled when Usagi surged up off the couch, grabbed him around the waist, picked him up, and carried him outside.  Part of the boy's mind was yelling at him to fight back or something, but… but the other half of his mind was buried too deeply in shock to operate properly.  Usagi was taking action against him… highflying action; he noted distantly as he saw the ground drop away beneath them.  Then it suddenly occurred to him what Usagi was doing as she neatly deposited him in a very tall tree in their neighbor's front yard.

"W… wait Usagi!" he yelped, throwing out his hand.

The blonde looked at him through red eyes.  "Shingo, I am in a very bad mood right now.  I am being forced to take piano lessons, mom wants me to marry some rich, ancient man, and at this point in time, I'm halfway inclined to do exactly as she wants.  Why, you ask, would I do that?  Well of course because I've been doing it my entire life!  I've always done exactly what I'm told!  And I get it now, and it pisses me off.  So, Shingo, unless you can guess correctly how I was able to jump up into this tree with you, whose orders I've been following this entire time, and what I should do about it, I'm not helping you down from this tree.  Understand?"

He nodded mutely.

Usagi nodded farewell at him, stepped off the branch, and landed neatly on the ground below him.  Seeming like she was in a much better mood, she ambled back into the house… without him.

Hmm.  So Usagi was getting fed up with her pushover ways.  Bout time.  But what had set his sister off?  He strained his mind to think about what, exactly, he had overheard his mother saying so many times.  Something about marriage to an ancient, wealthy man, that much was true.  But also something about shocking Usagi out of her shell.  And something about a private school in England.

And then what had he heard while spying on Usagi and that weird cousin of theirs?  Usagi had been confessing to the younger one that her friends loved her (but she had said it with a hint of doubt) and that they only teased her to make her a better person.  Shingo didn't buy that for a second.  He had also overheard her saying that she was so tired of fighting, and that she kept feeling like she only fought because everyone wanted her to…

This of course, meant that she was Superman's offspring (or more appropriately one of the Sailor Senshi), which explained how she was able to jump so high.  She had been following the orders of the Senshi, which pissed her off.  And as to what she should do about it…  well—

"You there!  Boy!"

Startled out of his thoughts, Shingo scrambled desperately to keep a good hold on his branch.  Once he was certain a fall to his doom was nowhere in his immediate future, he looked down at a black haired man who was looking up at him rather concernedly.  Shingo frowned.  He looked like a bad man.  HE HAD TO PROTECT HIS SISTER!

"Yeah, whaddo ya want?" he demanded with false bravado.

The man below looked taken aback.  "Well, I wanted to know if your sister ever intended to help you down from that tree," he said earnestly.

Shingo, forgetting his initial reservations, nodded.  "Once I give her the answers to her questions, yeah."

"What were her questions?" the man asked immediately.

"Uh… she wanted me to tell her why she was able to jump up here with me, whose orders she was following, and what she should do about it."

The man pushed his glasses up his nose.  "Then you've probably come to the conclusion that she's Sailor Moon, correct?"

Shingo froze.  A very uncomfortable feeling of dread filled him.  How the HELL did this guy find that out?  What was he supposed to do?  He wasn't raised to handle these situations!  He wasn't a hero… like his sister was.

"UUUUUUSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" he wailed, throwing his head back.

The man below him flinched away from the noise, and then jumped when Usagi flung the door open.  "Oh for heaven's sake," she shouted, and then stopped when she saw the man standing there calmly.

"YOU!" she shrieked, jabbing a finger at him.  "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S BEEN STALKING ME!"

He bowed politely.  "Ohayo, Usagi-san.  Watashi wa Dr. Tofu, all the way from Nerima.  I've discovered that you're Sailor Moon and wish to speak to you about it."

The blonde rubbed her forehead.  "Why do these things always happen to me?" she demanded.

Tofu smiled slightly.  "Because you invariably lead a much more interesting life then any of the rest of us.  Unnatural people attract unnatural events.  Simple as that.  But onto business.  I'm conducting an experiment involving different kinds of energy, and I wanted to experiment on your power, if you don't mind."

Usagi folded her arms.  "No fucking way.  I—"

"Then I guess you don't mind if I tell everyone that you're Sailor Moon," he interjected smoothly.

Usagi was stopped mid-sentence.  Her mind churned furiously.  Was there any way around it?  Most likely… no.  She could kill him, but what good would that do?  No good at all, of course.  But--  AAAAAAARG!  She was trapped.  There was no way out of it.

Summoning a haughty expression, she tossed her hair over her shoulder, she regarded him with a cool gaze.  "I'd be pleased to aid you in your improbable quest for the sake of science.  Is there anything in it for me?"

Dr. Tofu smiled in a pleased sort of way.  "You will be treated to a healthy dose of complete and utter chaos.  I promise that it will be good for you.  And I dare say that you'll learn to harness your energy better and affect your transformation, in case you wanted to say, make a debut as a different Senshi.  So it's a deal?"

Usagi, caught up in visions of parading around in a totally new uniform, she could only nod distractedly and take a piece of paper from him.  She was only dimly aware of the fact that he was walking away, and as far as she was concerned, it would stay that way.  The blonde was, however, brought roughly back to her senses by someone grabbing her arm and spinning her around.

She was confronted by the most absolutely gorgeous man she had ever seen in her entire life.  The blood rushed to her head, and she was fairly certain that she saw small cupids wheeling over her head.  Her knees were beginning to feel very, very weak.

Shingo observed this all from above and deemed that there was only one acceptable response to this.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  STUPID USAGI!!!!  AAAAAAAHHHHHHAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  LOOK AT HER!  SHE'S BRIGHT RED!"

Usagi snapped back to reality and leapt straight up to tackle Shingo to the ground.  "YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  USAGI, I'M NOT ABLE TO BOUNCE OFF THE GROUND LIKE YOU ARE!" he bellowed.

Remembering this a trifle belatedly, Usagi twisted in midair, and landed daintily on the ground, carrying Shingo in her arms princess style.  Usagi glanced down at her brother and laughed out loud at his expression.  She then dropped him unceremoniously on the ground, and proceeded to have another few laughs at his expense. 

There was a polite cough from behind them.  Usagi whirled around and brought up a huge smile.  "Hhhhiiiiiiiiii," she said in a girly high-pitched voice.  Realizing with horror what she sounded like, she cleared her throat and tried again.  "Hey," she said normally as she could.

He looked a little taken aback by their performance, but he got over it rather quickly.  "Yes, hello miss, I'm Seiji Narita, and I'm terribly sorry to have frightened you so badly.  I was just wondering if you had seen a man named Dr. Tofu come by here," he explained.

Usagi nodded.  "Yep, he came this way just a bit ago.  Um.  Would you mind if I asked you a question?"

Seiji smiled.  "Not at all!"

Usagi gulped, and prepared to make the plunge.  "Why are you wearing a dress… sir?"

The boy's smile melted right from his face.  "You can tell I'm a guy that easily, huh?" he said gloomily, smoothing the folds of his dress self consciously.  "I know I shouldn't go around wearing girl's clothing," he said, blushing a bright red, "but I just—"

Usagi waved her hands, laughing slightly.  "Yeah, yeah, I got it.  Now you just come with me, and I'll make you look like a real girl!  Say, what's your real name?"

The blush got brighter.  "Quatre," he mumbled.

Usagi laughed in delight.  She loved her life!  It was just so goddamn interesting!  "Well listen Quatre or whatever your name is, we've got to get you distinctly girly name.  And I'm going to have to warn you, there are going to be some people that really take to you in a kinky way— oh god, are you okay?  I don't think your face should be that red,  Quatre.  You need some water?  We'll get you some water.  Heehee, I can't wait to get you out there in super girl clothes and see what the guys think— shit Quatre!  THAT WAS A GODDAMN DOOR.  Will you watch what you're doing?"

A few mishaps later, Usagi had Quatre sitting in her room in front of a mirror.  "Okay.  I see you've waxed your chest, arms, legs, and eyebrows…. Whooee, I'll bet that hurt, huh?"

Obviously uncomfortable, Quatre tried to shrink down in his seat.  Usagi was having none of that.  Yanking him back upright, she forced him to look into the mirror.  "Look at yourself Quatre, you're still self conscious about this whole cross dressing thing.  You make a drop dead gorgeous girl!  If I knew you weren't a girl, I'd be jealous of you!  Stand tall!"

And then without preamble, she attacked his hair.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWW!" Quatre howled in pain as she yanked it out of the pony tail.

"That was a very manly ponytail," she scolded.  For today, we'll experiment with leaving your hair down and maybe curling it.  Jesus Pete, you've got gorgeous hair!  Why didn't I get this kind of hair?" she whined as she dragged a brush through it.  "It's all white-blonde and shiny!  God what I wouldn't give for hair like this…"

Once Usagi had fussed with Quatre's hair long enough, she decided it was time to show Quatre the finer points of make up.  And then clothes.  And so on it went until dinner, when Ikuko stuck her head into Usagi's room.

"Usagi dear, time for dinner!  Oh!  I didn't know you had a friend over!  My, I didn't know you had such a pretty friend!  Is she going to marry a rich man as well?"

Usagi sighed.  "Mom, I'm really actually going to marry for love, not money!"

Ikuko clucked disappointedly.  "That, my dear, is unwise.  Oh!  I've completely forgotten myself!  Who's your little friend?"

The blonde girl froze.  "Uhm," she said clearly.

Quatre stood up gracefully.  "I'm Rumiko Hayaska, pleased to meet you," he said with a small bow.

Ikuko beamed happily at "Rumiko" and then patted him on his head.  "What a nice girl.  You and Usagi are just like each other!  You're welcome to stay the night, if you'd like," Ikuko offered.

Quatre looked uncertainly at his fellow blonde, who nodded enthusiastically.  Given the go-ahead, Quatre turned back to Ikuko and bowed again.

"I would be glad to, ma'am."

Ikuko clapped her hands together in pleasure.  "Wonderful!  Oh yes, Usagi!  Dr. Tofu called about your tutoring in Nerima, and I must say I'm terribly pleased to know that you're finally taking this marriage thing properly.  And Shampoo called, and she wants you to call her back.  And you got a call from Ranma," Ikuko said with visible distaste.

Usagi raised an eyebrow.  "And I don't suppose she wanted me to call her back, ne?"

Ikuko coughed.  "No.  She was mainly calling to tell you that she hated you and that your hair outsized your brains.  You will beat her in every way proper, won't you?" Ikuko asked plaintively.

The blonde smiled at the thought.  "I will do my best," she said earnestly.

Ikuko smiled again and withdrew.  Usagi waited until she heard her mother bashing things around in the kitchen before breaking into peals of laughter.  Quatre raised a newly waxed eyebrow.

"And just what's so funny?"

Usagi pressed her hand to her chest.  "Just that she hates Ranma as much as I do.  Oh god….  Hey, didn't you want Dr. Tofu earlier today before I sidetracked you with make up?"

Quatre's lined eyelids opened wide.  "Oh my god, I totally forgot.  I'm supposed to be helping Dr. Tofu in his office before I go off to school for the year.  He was going to show me the ropes.  I start next week," he explained.

Usagi grinned.  "He blackmailed me into helping him with some experiments.  If you see any brightly colored lights, that'd be his experiments."

Quatre laughed.  "I'm terrified already.  I've heard the worst things about Nerima."

Usagi cocked her head.  "Oh yeah?  Like what?"

"Like there's this guy named Ranma Saotome, and then a girl with the exact same name.  The entire student population either wants to marry or kill them.  They're both supposed to be great martial artists, along with about everyone else in that town.  They appear to take things very seriously there.  I've heard that they even have a Martial Arts Fast Food Restaurant Takeout Race.  Last year it got pretty vicious, apparently."

Usagi's face fell into a thoughtful little frown.  "Interesting.  Now… is it just me, or is something tapping on the window?"

Quatre looked startled.  "I thought you knew!  There's been a masked man tapping on your window for the last fifteen minutes now!  I thought you were just ignoring him," he said apologetically.  "He looks very handsome, though," he said brightly.

Usagi gave Quatre The Look and opened up her window.  The masked man perched impossibly on her windowsill seemed incapable of words, because he was just staring at her.  She rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"What the fuck do you want, Mamoru?"

The man's jaw dropped open, and he climbed swiftly into her room.  "What the hell are you doing, telling people my identity?"

"Because there's only one guy in all of Tokyo who would go around climbing trees and knocking on their ex girlfriend's windows before dinnertime."

Quatre's face cleared.  "Oh, you mean Mamoru Chiba!  So this is him?"

The face behind the mask went white.  "You mean….  People don't see me as a romantic figure?  And they know I'm Tuxedo Mask?  How?"

Quatre's eyes went wide.  "You mean you're the real Tuxedo Mask?"

Mamoru scowled and tore the mask off his face.  "Yes, I am!  What else did you think?"

The blonde boy went pink.  "Well, everyone knows that there's this guy who comes up to Usagi Tsukino's window at night dressed like Tuxedo Mask.  And since she always promptly makes out with him, we can only hope it's her boyfriend, Mamoru Chiba.  News like this travels pretty fast around Tokyo."

His cheeks blushed rosier and Usagi was sure that if she squinted she could have seen flowers (classic girls' manga style) spring up from behind Quatre.  He clasped his hands, and looked upwards while his eyes glittered emotionally.  "I just love gossip," he breathed.

Usagi's eyes were wide.  "Damn, he makes a good girl," she said under her breath.

Apparently though, Mamoru overheard.  "She's a guy?" he asked incredulously.  Quatre ignored them both and focused on his flowers.  "Kinky," Mamoru mumbled, glancing quickly over at Usagi to make sure that she hadn't overheard.  She was looking at Quatre and laughing.  Good.  Neither of them heard.

Except that then Quatre shoved Mamoru down so that he fell on top of Usagi, who promptly let out a bloodcurdling shriek.   Quatre went absolutely nuts and ran out into the hall.

"PERVERT!!!!!  SOMEONE, HELP!  THIS MAN IS NOT MY FATHER!  PERVERT!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

There was a dull thud, and Usagi ran out of the room and added her frenzied shrieks to Quatre's.

Seconds later Kenji charged into the room armed with his baseball bat, only to see the tip of a cape disappear through the window.  Usagi and Quatre peeked back inside.

"Is it safe now?" 

Kenji scowled dangerously.  "Damn straight it is.  No pervert's going to lay their hands on either of my two princesses," he growled dangerously before stalking out of the room.

Usagi and Quatre exchanged a look.  "Two princesses?" Quatre mouthed in confusion.  Usagi giggled silently and shrugged.

"I guess my family's taken to you, my dear Rumi.  Here's to chaos!" Usagi yelled happily, thrusting out her hand.

"To chaos!" Quatre echoed, giving her a high-five.   


	3. cosmic dare

Pushing the Sky

#

cosmic dare

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Usagi screamed as she threw herself off the roof.

Quatre shaded his eyes and followed Usagi's flailing path through the sky.  His eyes widened, and he let loose a terrified shriek and flung himself to the side.  Usagi, still bellowing, hit the trampoline hard, and was catapulted back into the sky.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" the blonde continued hysterically, connecting with the mattress they had rigged up on the studio apartment the Tsukinos had in their backyard.

Groaning slightly, she fell backwards onto the mattress they had laid out on the ground.  Goddamn the game they had come up with, she thought muzzily.  They had been playing it for three hours now, and the repeated blows to the head were really getting to her.  Rolling onto her stomach, she pushed herself up onto her knees, coughing.

"Holy shit," she muttered darkly.

Quatre (who Usagi had managed to bounce onto the roof) cupped his hands around his mouth.  "You alright?"

Usagi coughed again and waved a hand dismissively.  "Oh yeah,  I'm great!  Just great," she said, dragging herself to her feet.  "Great," she repeated.  "Great like going on a mass murdering spree."

"I heard that, you know," Quatre said conversationally.

Usagi lowered her voice and continued to mutter black obscenities.  Grumbling still, she pulled herself back onto the trampoline.  Having fun was going to kill her one day.  It was really honest to god going to kill her, and most likely Rumi.  It was three weeks after they had first met, and so far life as idyllic.  Dr. Tofu hadn't demanded her presence.  Magic hadn't really been incorporated in with piano yet— they were all still learning how to read music.  Ranma had been strangely silent lately.  Not that she minded, of course.  It was just a little unnatural.  Quatre Rabera Winner (becoming known as Rumiko Winner, however) was like a slightly bizarre extension of her family.  Usagi was just beginning to get used to the feeling of walking inside and seeing a cross dressing pretty boy sitting on her couch and chatting merrily with her mother.

But, you know.  Whatever.

And that, lately, was Usagi's philosophy.  Whatever happened, happened.  Lay back.  Relax.  And her life was suddenly and magically stress-free.  It was really very nice, but Usagi was just waiting for the bomb to drop.  And drop it did.

Shingo came around the back yard right in time to see Quatre slam into the studio wall.  He opened his mouth, thought better of it, and then sighed.  Sisters were so weird.  They'd never change, either.  Four weeks before he never could have pictured his sister doing something so mildly suicidal as her current pastime, but hey.  Weird shit happens.  Live with it.

"Usa-baka, your friend's here to see you."

Usagi squealed in excitement and dropped delicately to the ground.  Running around the trampoline, she grabbed Quatre's hand, yanked him off the mattress, and ran around the side of the house.  True to her brother's word (she had had her initial doubts) Shampoo was standing in the front yard, arguing hotly with a brown haired woman holding a spatula.

"I DON'T WANT HIM ANY MORE!" Shampoo shrieked loudly.  "NO MORE!!!  NO!  DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU??????"

The woman regarded Shampoo suspiciously.  "This isn't some kind of new plan that you have?  You really honestly don't want him?  After all your homicidal fits over him?  Ah!" she said in surprise, noticing a curious Usagi.  "Who's this?  Is this the girl that you came to see?"

Usagi walked over to them cheerfully.  "Hey, Shampoo, what's up?  Oh," she said, sticking her hand out to the other girl, "I'm Usagi Tsukino.  Pleased to meet you," she said politely.

The girl looked at her warily at first, and then a reluctant grin came over her face.  "Sorry, I'm just not used to people having manners.  Nerimans don't really give a rip about that—it's depressing sometimes.  I mean, whatever happened to the good old days when guys pulled out the chair for a lady?  Or stood up when they left the table?  It's not like I want men to treat women like fragile flowers, just a little common respect would be nice, you know?"

A little startled by the girl's speech, Usagi nodded.  "I know exactly what you mean.  Er… what was your name?"

The woman laughed sheepishly.  "Ah, sorry.  I forgot myself.  I'm Ukyo.  I'll be leaving you and Shampoo— what in God's name are you _doing_?" she demanded, looking behind Usagi with an expression of total shock.

Ranma had her hands wrapped around Quatre's throat, and was shaking her… him… madly.  "YOU GODDAMN FREAK!!!!  I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID IN NERIMA!!!  YOU PERVERTED LITTLE—"

Usagi, crossing the distance between them in a few long strides, shoved Ranma hard.  "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, asshole?  What the fuck's _wrong_ with you?" she yelled furiously, yanking viciously on Ranma's hair.

Ranma gave a pained shriek, letting go of Quatre in favor of Usagi.  Usagi felt Ranma's fingers brush her throat, and she jabbed her fingers up into Ranma's eyes.  The other girl yelped again, and jumped away from the blonde, who leaped up and got right into her face.

"Don't you EVER do that EVER again!"

Ranma let go of her eyes, cheeks blazing with fury.  "If I wasn't supposed to really fight girls, I'd—"

"Oh, so you're not supposed to fight girls, huh?  Then what the fuck were you trying to strange us for?  Huh?  WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Usagi roared.

"I DON'T FUCKING HAVE A PROBLEM!" Ranma yelled back.

"Usagi—" Quatre interjected.

Usagi ignored him.

"USAGI!" Quatre yelled, finally gaining the livid blonde's attention.  "About time," he grumbled.  "Listen, Ranma was perfectly justified in what… uh… she did.  I kind of surprised… her… the last time we met.  In Nerima," he clarified.

Usagi snorted.  "Whatever.  I still think she's a maniac."

There was a low whistle from behind them.  "Well this is certainly interesting.  Girl fight, I suppose?  Or, more accurately, a fight between genders.  Usagi, dear, I really don't understand why you're bothering to fight with them.  There's much bigger game afoot," the voice continued smoothly.

The girls in the yard turned slowly around, and Usagi's face went white, but she rapidly smoothed her expression out and walked calmly over to the man and woman standing in the yard.  Quatre watched closely—Usagi's initial reaction was of shock, mingled with what was definitely fright.  Then came a cool calm, like she was determined to handle whatever this was with pride.  That meant that these people were people Usagi wanted respect from. 

Then he noticed something— the girl, man, and Usagi all bore an uncanny resemblance to each other.  The girl wore Usagi's exact same hairstyle, except her hair was blacker than black.  Her eyes were a dark blue, and her skin was totally white.  Red lips moved in a smirking greeting to the blonde, and when she reached them, the man put a hand on Usagi's back and drew her into a closer circle.

"Chaos," Usagi greeted with a slight nod of her head.

The girl smiled slightly.  "Afraid?  Jesus, Usagi, it's me who should be afraid of you.  You nearly killed me that last time, remember?  Well, I suppose you can't exactly forget.  You can forgive me, however, for trying to rule the world.  It was a worthy cause."

Usagi's blonde head tilted.  "You wouldn't happen to be wanting to try again, would you?"

Chaos laughed, but trailed off when she saw Usagi was totally serious.  "You're joking."

Usagi shook her head.  "I don't want to do it by force, though, if you know what I mean.  I think it would be much more fun to do it in kind of a battle of wits, you know?"

A spark of hunger ignited in Chaos' eyes.  "Well this fits in perfectly with what I came to tell you.  There's a kind of tournament between the magical girls, " she said, choking on the phrase.  "Basically it's like this.  Each girl enters a school in pairs.  Whoever does the best wins."

"What's the prize?" Usagi asked immediately.

Chaos shrugged.  "Dunno.  All I know is that there'll be a website of some kind that keeps a constant update on the progress of each Senshi.  I heard that there will be tests in things like intelligence, strength, social skills, and I think even emotion.  Main idea: to be the best you've got to be pretty damn well rounded.  And I was thinking, since we are the two greatest superpowers in the entirety of creation, we should be on a team together."

"And then once we win that, go on to rule the world," Usagi said with a grin, completing Chaos' train of thought.

"Exactly," she said with a grin.

The man beside them whistled again.  "Well this is certainly a change from what I expected.  Hell, Chaos just dragged me along to make sure that you didn't flip out and start trying to blow things up.  Jesus Pete, Moon, we leave you by yourself for a summer and you decide you want to rule the world.  What the hell," he muttered.

Usagi raised an eyebrow inquiringly at Chaos, who smirked.  "This is my guardian demon, Kaze.  He's quite a looker, isn't he?"

The addressed blonde coughed.  "I'll decline from answering that, thank you," she muttered.

Chaos laughed.  "Good answer.  I'd have killed you, otherwise.  He _is_ mine, after all."

"I _am_ here, you know, and would really appreciate it if you acted so," he said in annoyance.

"I think he feels insecure," Usagi whispered confidingly to Chaos, who laughed.

"Well Usa-chan, we must be off.  I'll check back in later and give you the form to sign up for a contest.  And if it helps, think of it as a dare.  A great big cosmic dare to be the best.  Ciao," she said with a little wave before vanishing.

"Well that was interesting," Shampoo remarked calmly, seemingly unperturbed by Chaos' vanishing show.  "So who were they?"

Usagi spun around and smiled.  "Friends of mine.  Don't know her name—she usually goes by Chaos.  The guy was her boyfriend.  Chaos and I are planning to take over the world."

Shampoo blinked, and then grinned.  "You know, oddly enough, I wouldn't be surprised.  Oi!  Ranma, Ukyo!  When are you guys heading off?  Akane will be getting worried, Ranma," she said pointedly.

The redhead looked away.  "Nah, she won't," she whispered under her breath as she followed Ukyo away.

Usagi, the only one gifted with super-hearing, frowned slightly.  That didn't sound like the Ranma she knew.  It was really kind of worrying her.  They didn't exactly see eye to eye all the time… but sometime during the weeks of verbal sparring, she had kind of become fond of the volatile redhead.  And she didn't like seeing her unhappy.

"Say, Shampoo, what's eating at Ranma?  I don't like seeing her sad like that."

The purple haired girl folded her arms across her chest and gazed after the retreating duo.  "Ranma….  What's eating Ranma, huh?  Well, for starters, Ranma has a family life worth shit.  Her dad is always shoving her at possible marriages, and is always pushing her to be this amazing martial artist.  She's trying to maintain healthy relationships in the most chaotic town in the world, and she can't do it.  She's struggling to deal with her world falling apart around her, but she has no idea what to do.  I was part of that chaos at first, and then when I realized what was going on, I just wanted to help.  But she won't let anyone get near enough.  It hurts," she confessed, looking right at Usagi.

"You know," Quatre said, venturing into the conversation, "I used to have this friend whose life was shattering, too.  He was a soldier in the war, you know, and he couldn't stand it.  He went mad for a bit, but was jarred back to reality by a close friend of his.  Life got worse for him from there.  He was the peacemaker— he was always in charge of dealing with other people's emotional stress, and he couldn't handle it.  So when the war was over, he took off and completely changed his lifestyle.  Made new friends."  He shrugged.  "Sometimes all it takes is distancing yourself from the problem, or finding something outside of the problem to anchor you to sanity.  You know?"

Shampoo was nodding.  "I totally agree.  We need to find some way to get him away from Nerima and the losers that live in Nerima."  A gleam entered her eye, and Usagi paled and began to back up.  "Say, Usagi…."

The blonde held her hands up.  "No.  There is no way—"

"Please, Usa-chan!  I know you don't like Ranma very much, but you said yourself that you wanted to help him!  What better way to help him than to do exactly as your friend says and distance him from the problem?"

"Her," Usagi corrected.

Shampoo stopped, confused.  "Huh?"

"Her," Usagi repeated.  "You've been calling Ranma "him".  Last time I checked, Ranma was a girl."

The Chinese girl laughed weakly.  "Heh, heh, heh….  Right.  Sorry.  My Japanese is still bad sometimes," she said, fishing desperately for an explanation.  Lucky for her, Usagi totally bought it, and continued on with her half-hearted protests.

"At any rate, I refuse to spend time alone with that maniac!" Usagi snapped.

"But that sad look on her face….  You know you want to make it go away….  It will be great!  You'll make a new friend, and Ranma will be happy for once!" Shampoo wheedled.

Usagi finally broke down and raised her hands in defeat.  "Fine, fine, fine.  But I won't guarantee a happy smile on Ranma's face by the end of the day.  I fact, I won't guarantee that she comes home in one piece, either!"

Shampoo, ignoring Usagi's negativity, clapped her hands in delight.  "Wonderful!  It will take sucking up, though.  You can come home with me tomorrow, and you can see Ranma, 'kay?"

Usagi looked inquiringly at Quatre.  "Is that cool with you?"

Quatre grinned.  "Yeah, sure!  I was supposed to play video games with Shingo sometime anyway.  Now he'll stop bugging me!  Finally!  I CAN SLEEP IN PEACE!" he said ecstatically, clasping his hands under his chin.

Shampoo raised an eyebrow.  "You have got to be the best cross-dresser I have ever seen in my entire life," she said, sounding very impressed with Quatre's skills.

Startled, Quatre was broken out of his euphoric state.  "Huh?  What gave me away?"

Shampoo gave a little shrug.  "Something in your voice.  Also that story you told earlier— the mad soldier was you, ne?  It's just that you sounded so sincere in your storytelling— and then I'm a damn good judge of character.  So how'd you get so good?"

Usagi's hand shot up into the air.  "I helped him!" she yelled happily.

Shampoo was startled into laughing.  "I shouldn't be surprised, I guess," she said laughingly.  "God Usagi, your life is kind of… bizarre.  I mean, really.  Between magic pianos and creating women out of your male friends— do you ever even have time to sleep?"

Usagi tossed her blonde pigtails over her shoulders.  "I never sleep during the summer.  I catch all my shut-eye when school starts."

"Funny.  I thought that you'd sleep less during the school year.  When do you rest, then?"

"During school," Usagi replied with a laugh.  "Except that I'm not going to be able to do that this year," she said regretfully, turning towards the backyard.

"What?  Why?" Quatre and Shampoo asked simultaneously.

Usagi laughed at her two friends.  "Because I've been dared to be the best.  And I never back down from a dare.  Unless it's something really terrible.  Like killing myself or someone else.  Or licking a toilet seat.  Or letting someone hurt me.  Or letting a spider touch me.  Or keeping my eyes open during a scary movie.  Or humping something.  That's just stupid," she said seriously to Quatre and Shampoo as the trio walked into the backyard.  Upon sighting the setup they had, Shampoo stopped dead in her tracks.

"What the _hell_ is this?"

Usagi and Quatre looked at Shampoo uncomprehendingly.  "It's just how we've been entertaining ourselves all day," Usagi said, wounded.  "Don't you think it looks fun?"

"It looks suicidal!"

"But exciting, right?"

"Suicidal!"

"But fun, right?" Quatre chimed in.

"Suicidal!"

"Join us," Quatre and Usagi said together, their voices melting eerily together.

A look of total horror dawned on Shampoo's face.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Usagi and Quatre erupted in high-pitched laughter and ran after the fleeing Shampoo.

Shingo looked after them with a completely unreadable expression.  He shook his head.  Women were insane.  That's all there was to it.  Women were completely, irrevocably whacko.  God save mankind, he pleaded, rolling his eyes toward heaven.  Distant laughter reached his ears, and he blanched.  He ducked back inside the house and locked the doors, just in time for his blonde sister to run right into the glass.  She turned her head slowly towards him, revealing her wide eyes and her toothy smile.

"Hiiiiiiiiii…." She said in a frightening, high pitched voice.

Shingo screamed like a small child, closed the curtains on their back door, and ran to find a hiding place.  God obviously hadn't been listening to Shingo very well.  He said that he wanted salvation from women— not an instantaneous and gruesome death at their hands.

He heard the back door open, and three high pitched giggles.

Shit.

~~~*~~~Alternate Ending, v.1.0~~~*~~~

Shingo: ::desperately picks up phone:: ::dials:: ::listens to ringing::  Pick up the phone pick up the phone pick up the phone—

::Answering machine kick in::  "Welcome to Kami's Hotline!  Here we try to help everyone who calls with anything; whether it's love problems, sibling problems, or even problems with your stupid technology.  According to our database, however, you've exceeded your free trial package of 500 free calls.  If you'd like to pay for a new package, press one.  If you need our operating times, please press two.  If you need our assurance that Kami gives a shit about you, press three.  If you want to know how many days it is until Christmas, press four.  If you'd like the current weather report, press five.  If you want to know how many fish there are at any given time, press six.  If you want to know the best pick up line for a female, press seven.  If you'd like to know the best pick up line for a male, press eight.  By the way, you can hang up at any time.  If you'd like to know the probability of said pickup line working, press nine.  If you want to know how much snow there is in any given area, press zero.  If you'd like to purchase a Kami action figure, please press 11.  If you'd like—"

Shingo: ::click:: ::weeps in despair::

Usagi & Shampoo & Quatre:  Eeeeeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!!!!!

Shingo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

USQ: ::eats Shingo alive::

Shingo: ::is dead::

~~~*~~~(")~~~*~~~ ß KIRBY STRIKES AGAIN!

Alternate Ending V.1.0

THE END

*laughs madly*  


	4. the EGG and I

Pushing the Sky

$

{the EGG and I}

* * *

"Shingo," Ikuko called absently from the kitchen, "would you go wake up the girls?  I think Shampoo wanted to take Usagi somewhere at nine thirty, and they're not up yet!"

She heard a muffled moan from the living room, and then Shingo trudged into the brightly lit kitchen looking very downtrodden.  He pulled out a chair at the table and plopped down.  He then rested his head on his arms and sighed heavily.

"Mom, do I have to?  Usagi and her new friends are scary," he whined.

Ikuko smiled gently at him.  "Yes, but Usagi's new friends are much better than her old ones, don't you agree?  I haven't seen them around all summer!  What wonderful times," she said with a pleased smile.

"So it's a conspiracy, eh?" Usagi croaked, shuffling into the kitchen, closely followed by Quatre and Shampoo.  They were all three clad in their pajamas, and Shingo was pleased to note that they all looked equally famished and dead beat.  Heh.  So he wasn't the only one suffering from the energy spent the day before.  SPLENDID NEWS!

Ikuko, ignoring Shingo's obvious delight, smiled brightly at Usagi.  "Oh, no, my dear!  It's not a conspiracy at all!  I admit, your grandfather and I did discuss the possibility of you gaining new friends and ignoring and neglecting your old ones, but we didn't really push you to do it.  You did it all by yourself.  Now, we have pancakes for breakfast!"

Usagi made a face.  "Grandpa's Pancakes?"

Ikuko nodded, setting a plate down in front of the scowling blonde.  "Now Usagi, I understand that you're less then trusting of your grandfather right now after you caught us talking, but that's no reason to turn down good food."

The scowling blonde picked up her fork and prodded the stack of pancakes experimentally.  She bent her head over it the steaming pancakes and sniffed experimentally.  She couldn't smell anything, but her intuition was saying otherwise.

"Mother," she growled warningly.  "If there is anything in these, please don't give them to Quatre?"

Ikuko paused and looked at them concernedly.  "Why?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm a guy," Quatre said with a pleasant smile.

Ikuko and Shingo blinked.  Ikuko coughed and turned back to the pancakes.  "Well," she said, visibly fumbling for words,  "You make a lovely girl, Rumiko-chan.  What is your real name, then, if you don't mind?"

Quatre shifted uncomfortably.  "My name's Quatre Winner," he muttered.

Usagi's meddling mother nearly dropped the plate of pancakes she was carrying.  "As in the heir to all that money?" she gasped.  "Oh you poor girl!  It must be so hard to be a teenage girl under all that scrutiny.  Say, why don't you just get your name changed so you can be actually named Rumiko?"

The platinum haired boy grinned ruefully.  "I'm not allowed.  My father apparently foresaw my tendencies, and in his will stated that if I ever changed my name that my fortune would go to my uncle, whom I'm living with right now."

"What kind of man is your uncle?" Shampoo inquired curiously.  She never paid too much attention to politics, but there was a very large something unsaid by Quatre about his uncle.

Quatre started, and then cleared his throat.  "He's very conservative, and would most likely try to assassinate me if he found out what I was doing.  That's why I've been staying over here," he said, bowing his head shamefacedly.  "I'm sorry if I'm a bother," he said meekly.

There was a long silence, which was finally broken by Ikuko sniffling.  "I'll bet this is a soap episode.  How tragic!  No, no, no my dear girl, you're not a bother at all!  You can even live here if you wanted to!  And you Shampoo!  And everyone!  We'll be a huge happy family!  Oh, it'll be grand!"

The three girls looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Then someone knocked on the door.

Ikuko frowned, motioned for them to eat their pancakes, and went out to the front door.  Shingo, Usagi, Quatre, and Shampoo looked at each other confusedly and rushed toward the wall where they all peeked out to stare at the visitor.  Well, that was the plan, anyways.  Quatre got one look around the wall and threw himself backwards, looking like he had seen a ghost.

"It's my uncle!" he hissed frantically.

Usagi gasped and grabbed Shingo.  "You two look like you'd wear about the same size!  Shingo, can you lend Q-chan some clothes?  Really quickly?  Come on Quatre," she whispered hurriedly, "we've got to get you up to a bathroom to wipe that make up off!  And get your hair into a manly ponytail!  Hurry!!!"

Approximately five minutes later, Quatre walked downstairs, talking laughingly with Shingo.  "Yeah, sorry we can't play Resident Evil, Shingo.  Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Shingo said, forcing a laugh out.  Inside, however, he was seating bullets.  THIS WAS INSANE, AND IT WAS ALL USAGI'S FAULT!  HE WAS GOING TO _KILL_ HER!  _VENGEANCE WOULD BE HIS!!!!_

Upon seeing Quatre, his uncle smiled pleasantly.  "Oh, good, you're ready already.  Ikuko, I'd like to thank you personally for allowing Quatre to be here so often.  You've been a great help to him, and have really helped pull out of his depressive slump.  With that said, I'll be off," he said, taking Usagi's mother's hand and making to kiss it.

He was, however, substantially hindered when Usagi pushed her way in-between them and yanked his hand away from her mothers.  Damn the man, she thought behind her pearly white smile.  She pulled a slight blush to her cheeks.

"I'm very pleased to meet you sir and I really hope that Quatre can come by again soon," she gushed.

There was an odd noise from the blonde boy, who covered his face (evidently to cover his laughter) and ducked outside.  Quatre's uncle smiled benignly at her.

"What a lovely girl," he murmured.  "I'm positive Quatre will be seeing more of you," he said with a peculiar little smile.  He probably would have kissed her had if Usagi hadn't been pumping his hand up and down grimly.  He coughed and carefully extracted his hand from her grasp, bowed slightly, and exited.  Usagi glared after him.

"Bastard," she muttered.

"I thought he was very charming," Ikuko said smilingly.  "Now go eat your pancakes," she commanded.

And so they did.

HAHAHA ::breathe:: HAHAHAHAHA!  Suckers.

As she watched Usagi and Shingo bicker back and forth, Shampoo leaned back in her chair and sighed happily.  This was the kind of family she had always wanted.  Either a younger brother or sister, and a mother who cared about her.  Or a mother, period.  Living with her grandmother was really, really, really bizarre.  Then there was the fact that her resident hag was always pushing her to capture Ranma in matrimony.  It really got old after a while.  Speaking of Ranma….

Shampoo glanced up at the clock and blanched.  Throwing her arms up into the air and letting out a war cry to shake the bones of Genghis Khan, she grabbed Usagi's arm and yanked her out of her chair.

"WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" she bellowed in the blonde's ear.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL IT IN MY GODDAMN EAR!" Usagi screamed back.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING!  NOW COME ON!  LET'S GET DRESSED AND GET TO NERIMA!"

"SHUT UP!" Shingo roared.

They both stared at him and then retreated.  Shingo just sat there in total shock.  He had just vocalized his first Man Roar.  HE WAS GROWING UP!!!  HE WAS BECOMING A MAN!  Happy tears streamed down his face as he stuffed more pancakes into his mouth.  His _manly_ mouth.  Damn, he was good.

Upstairs the scene was utter chaos.  Usagi and Shampoo were throwing around clothes and hairbrushes and toothbrushes— it was strongly reminiscent of a war zone.  Shampoo chucked a tube of toothpaste at Usagi, who sadly enough didn't turn in time.  She caught it, yes, but she caught it right in her eyes.

"ITAI!" she screeched.

Shampoo's mouth formed a shocked little 'o', and then she covered it with her hand.  A fuming Usagi stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.  Shampoo paused for a second, and then burst out into peals of evil laughter.

_THIS CHAOS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!_  Usagi thought frantically.  _I'm not used to this yet!  God, I just change one thing about my life and make plans to rule the world and look what happens!  Complete and utter chaos!  Maybe Shampoo's used to this, but I'm used to a nice, structured life, AND THIS IS NOT VERY STRUCTURED!  NO STRUCTURE!  IT'S FALLING APART!  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?_

Feeling like maybe she was on the verge of a heart attack, she stuffed the toothbrush into her mouth, scrubbed furiously for two minutes, threw on her favorite green sundress, grit her teeth, and cut her hair off at the small of her back.  Much to her complete surprise, at this point her hair decided that since it was now freed of the godawful weight of ankle long hair, that it would become curly.  Usagi stared at her reflection in utter astonishment.  She looked like a totally different person.  Her hair curled in loose ringlets becomingly around her shoulder blades (since the curls made it shrink)… but her bangs looked like crap.  She reached into her pocket and gripped the crystal tightly, willing her bangs to grow.  And grow they did.  And suddenly Usagi Tsukino was no longer a childlike young girl.

Shampoo pounded her fist on the door, startling Usagi out of her fascination.  Gulping slightly, she opened the bathroom door and pushed her curls slightly behind her shoulders.  Shampoo glared at her, made to go downstairs, and did a double take.

"Oh my god," she gasped.  "Your hair!  What did you do to it?  It looks great!"

Usagi grinned, confidence suddenly restored.  "Oh, who would have thought that the weight from all my hair was straightening it out?  Looks cool, huh?"

"To put it lightly.  Now come on, we're going to be so late!  Kasumi wanted us over there at ten for tea or something like that!"  Shampoo stuffed her fists in her eyes.  "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!!  I HATE DISAPPOINTING KASUMI-SAN!"

Alarmed, Usagi grabbed for Shampoo's hands and dragged them away from her eyes.  "Come on, stop it!  We can still make it quickly!  I can run really fast," she offered.

Shampoo sighed.  "I hope so.  LET'S RUN!  RUN LIKE THE WIND!"

They shot down the stairs, paused for a bewildered second when Shingo popped out of the kitchen and bellowed at them, burst into motion again, raced out of the door, and ran right into Kaze and Chaos, who were looking (as usual) very amused.

"Well, well, well," Kaze said with a raised eyebrow.  "If it isn't the… suddenly… curly haired… blonde and her Amazon sidekick.  So that's what happened to Chaos' hair," he mumbled with an appreciative expression directed towards Chaos' black ringlets.

Usagi noted with a flare of jealousy that Chaos' hair looked better than hers did.  Grrrr.  Chaos must have seen the expression on Usagi's face, because she laughed and slung an arm around Usagi's tiny shoulders.

"Oh, suck it up.  You know we're nearly identical--  It's not my fault that the darkness is naturally more alluring than the light," she said with a smirk.

Usagi's hands curled into fists.  "Why you stuck up little—"

"Is that your car?" Shampoo suddenly gasped, jabbing a finger at the little black sports car.  The three looked back to see what she was pointing at, and then looked aback at Shampoo with worry.  She was beginning to froth at the mouth.

Usagi gave Shampoo an experimental push.  "Er… Shampoo-chan?  Is anyone in there?"

"Can I touch it?" the Chinese girl asked dazedly, totally ignoring her blonde friend.  "We need to get to the Tendo dojo in Nerima, and we're super late and oh god if I got to sit in that car—"

"We can give you a ride.  I needed to talk to Usagi anyway," Chaos said with a tiny frown as she began to back away from Shampoo, who was looking like maybe she was about to hyperventilate.

"OOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!" Shampoo screamed, dashing for the car.  Once she got there she put her arms as far as they could go around it and sighed blissfully.

"You know," Kaze said finally, "you have some really weird friends, Usa-chan."

The blonde sighed and touched her forehead.  "I know, I know.  I'm not entirely used to it yet, either.  All this insanity is catching up to me.  I think I may be on the verge of a premature death," she confessed.

Chaos laughed.  "You know you can't die unless by some bizarre chance of fate we die at the exact same second.  We share a split soul, you know," Chaos said inspecting her nails.

Usagi threw her arms up into the air.  "And to top it all off, I can't die because I only have half of a soul!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?" she demanded to no one in particular, waving her arms violently as she stomped over to the car.

Approximately five minutes later they were in Nerima and Shampoo was a quivering mass of euphoria, Usagi was busily signing the papers to sign up for "The Cosmic Dare" as Chaos had labeled it, and they were pulling to a stop in front of the dojo.  Usagi gave Chaos her pen back, gave her a quick hug (earning her a roar of rage) and leaped out the car, pulling Shampoo with her.  Kaze stepped on the gas right as Chaos opened the door to get out, effectively slamming the door back closed and cutting off the string of profanity.

Laughing slightly to herself, Usagi turned around to see a boy looking at her curiously.  He was, she realized upon closer inspection, a very cute boy.  He had absolutely amazing blue eyes, and the greatest black hair (which was pulled into a little braid).  He was perched on top of a brick wall, staring at her.  She smiled at him.

"Hi, I'm Usagi Tsukino.  I'm here looking for Ranma Saotome," she explained.

"That's me," he said guardedly, looking for all the world like he wanted to run away.

Oh yeah, she suddenly remembered.  There were two of them.  She grinned self consciously and scratched the back of her head.  "Eh, sorry.  I forgot that there were two of you.  I'm here looking for the other one."

"What do you want with her?" he demanded quickly.

"Well Jesus, way to be hostile.  I wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting and ask her if she wanted to spend today with me in Tokyo," she said with a little frown, wondering why this guy was being so peculiar about the _other_ Ranma Saotome.  Maybe she was his sister.  And maybe she (girl Ranma) had been talking to her brother about what a terrible person Usagi was.  And how much she hated her.  And how mean she was.

A horribly distraught look came over Usagi's voice as she envisioned this.  Ranma, catching sight of her face, jumped down and rapped her on the head.

"You okay?" he asked concernedly.

Ready to lash out at him for hitting her on the head, she screwed up her face to yell, and froze when she saw him flinch backwards.  She took a deep, calming breath.  He had only wanted to know if she was alright.  And hell, they didn't even know each other.  Breathe Usagi, she told herself, just breathe.

"I was just having a mini waking nightmare about Ranma telling you about how I've been treating her and how much she hates me and everything."  She shifted uncomfortably.  "I actually probably wouldn't be here if she hadn't looked so damn unhappy the last time I saw her…."  Then she laughed.  "But why am I telling you this?  Where is she?  Can I talk to her?"

Ranma studied her, and then shrugged.  "I'll try to find her, but I don't guarantee anything," he said, sounding bored as he sauntered inside.

Usagi sat down to wait.

*

Inside Ranma was having a huge dilemma.  Should he go, or shouldn't he?  Usagi had seemed totally sincere when she told him why she was there.  It didn't seem like a trap.  But you never knew, still.  He had enemies who were very sneaky, Usagi not being the least of them.

"Ranma, what the hell are you doing there?" Akane demanded furiously as she stomped down the stairs.  "I thought I told you to get out of my house!"

Ranma's head jerked up and he glared at her.  "Stupid tomboy," he muttered.  What else could he say?

Akane's face went red with anger.  "Ranma," she growled warningly.

His heart suddenly plummeted as he realized the hopelessness of his situation.  He was trapped in an engagement he could never feel comfortable in.  Ranma truly felt that maybe if they had met in different circumstances… if he knew a language besides violence… if she trusted him… then maybe love would be possible.  Maybe.  But the way things were, he was destined for a life of… nothing.  A life filled with this void.  A life dealing with the knowledge that he had been beaten by a girl.  A life filled with the constant pain of knowing that his soul had been crushed by the one who was supposed to love him.

He stood up suddenly and walked into the kitchen, reaching for the pot of cold water that his father always kept handy.  Dumping it over himself, he shuddered as the familiar change overtook him.  Once the change was complete, she walked back up the stairs to change into her only girl clothes: a black shirt and a pair of overalls that said "CHINA".  Not particularly wanting to deal with Akane, she exited through the window.  Crawling silently across the roof, she peered down over the edge.

Usagi was still sitting there, waiting patiently for news.  Smiling despite herself, she decided to make a grand entrance.  MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"Yo Usagi!" she called.

Hearing her name called, Usagi stood and spun around towards the house.  What now, she asked herself wearily.  Her eyes widened when she saw Ranma doing a handstand on the edge of the roof.  Seeing that she had caught the blonde's attention, she bent her arms, and then snapped them straight, sending herself springing upwards.  The redhead did four tight midair flips and then landed neatly on the ground, arms out.  Grinning devilishly, she bowed.

"Holy shit," Usagi said witlessly, before letting out an earsplitting whoop.  "GO RANMA!  WAHOO!!!!!!"

Blushing, Ranma tugged on her ear.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, it wasn't that good," she muttered.  "So… what are you really doing here?" she demanded.

Usagi grinned.  "Just what I told you.  I wanted to take you out for a day in Tokyo.  Honestly, I think it would do you a world of good just to get the hell out of here, even if It _is_ only for a day.  What do you think?"

Hearing Akane's furious bellow from inside, Ranma nodded hurriedly.  "Oh I think it's a good idea.  Now an even better idea would be to… um…  get out of here," she said, nodding wisely as Akane burst out of the dojo.

Faced with the girl's fury, Usagi went pale, and then suddenly grinned.  "Oh," she enthused clapping her hands together, "I simply love high speed get-aways!  Aren't they just marvelous?" she gushed to Ranma before winking and leaping up onto the wall and taking off down the street.  A little ways down she leapt onto the top of a house, and turned around, obviously waiting for Ranma to get her act together.

The redhead girl looked a bit taken aback that Usagi was even capable of that   Shrugging it off, Ranma took to the rooftops after the retreating blonde.  In a matter of seconds Ranma running beside the blonde, who was laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ranma yelled.

Usagi grinned fiercely and sped up.  "I LOVE SPEED!" she whooped, throwing herself off the rooftop and bridging the distance to the next one with her knees bent and her arms thrown outward.  She hit the shingles of the roof and did a round off, ending with a little "ta da!"

Ranma smirked and flipped off the edge of the roof, and then did two more flips upon landing.  Usagi laughed and grabbed Ranma's arm.

"Okay, you realize that one day you're going to have to teach me how to do that," she said, tugging on Ranma's arm.  "But I have an even better trick," she laughed.  "Watch this," she said, getting a tighter grip on Ranma's arm.

She closed her eyes, and Ranma was only able to catch a glimpse of a glowing crescent moon on Usagi's forehead before the world erupted in silver.  The next thing she saw was a large building in front of them, with a stream of people either leaving or entering.

"How did you do that?" Ranma gasped, spinning Usagi around to face her.

The blonde girl laughed slightly and shook Ranma's arms off.  "I'm just talented that way.  Now—"

Suddenly there was a loud ringing, and Usagi blanched.  Without even thinking about it she pulled her communicator out of her pocket.  She pressed the video button and Venus' face appeared on the screen.

"Usagi, where are you?"

"Er… at the mall," she muttered bleakly.  What a way for Ranma to spend her day.

"Wonderful!  There's something for you to attack right now.  Go get 'em, tiger!  We're on our way!"

Usagi sighed and closed the transmission and made to stuff it back in her pocket.  Before she could, however, Ranma plucked it out of her fingers and examined it closely.  Then blue eyes locked with hers.

"You're Sailor Moon, aren't you?"

Usagi opened her mouth to deny it, but then sighed.  "Oh what the hell.  Everyone's finding out.  God, see what happens when I take magic piano lessons?  Eh, Ranma, you're not going to, well, tell anyone about this, are you?"

She looked affronted.  "What the hell do you take me for?  That would be—"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Usagi yelled laughing.  "I'm sorry even suggested the possibility.  Well then here it goes.  AHHHH!  Look what I taught myself to do.  Okay, normally I say "Moon Eternal Power" but that's really dumb, don't you think?  Sooooo.  I taught my crystal how to respond to this!"

"LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!"

Then there was a ripple of power, and ESM was standing before Ranma, looking very pleased with herself.  Ranma coughed slightly and tried to take her eyes away from Usagi's costume.

_She thinks you're a girl!  If she catches you staring at the very… short… skirt… she will kill you!  Snap out of it!!!  GYAAA!!!!!!!!!  What the hell is that????_

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Ranma yelped, jumping backwards as whatever it was threw a car their direction.

Usagi looked up to see what it was that Ranma was having a fit about, and nearly fainted. 

 "Ranma, I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but that is not good."

"No shit," Ranma snapped.  "So what are you going to do?"

Usagi blanched and fidgeted around for a second, before giving up.  "I have no idea," she mumbled as she watched Beryl floating above the mall parking lot, laughing.

* * *

OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?  I don't know yet, I'm too lazy to write anymore.  Go away.  *makes shooing motion with hands* 


End file.
